Why does my dad have to throw personal barbs at me every single time we talk? Everything I do or say is a fault. Well, even if that was true, that doesn't mean he has to voice it every waking moment of the day! I mean, I see all (or close to all of my parents faults) but I hardly ever verbably abuse them because of it. If I did that, my entire house would become a war zone.

This may sound rebellious of me, but who is he to go and tell me about these 'imperfections'? He's not even at home for more than about 5 hours a day. I know this is partially because he's busy, but that doesn't explain why he seems to exclude himself from the rest of the family when he is home. He only sticks his head out of the office every now in then to say something that instigates a fight throughout the whole family or complain about things such as the condition of our house. He shouldn't complain when he hardly does anything to help. My sister and I go to school, come home with our brains nearly exploding from the information we've learned, and begin on our homework that'll take us a minimum of about 5 to 7 hours. Mom works and Jeremy has school as well. We can't help it is the house gets dirty every now in then.

Don't like it? Well then why don't you try and handle it yourself instead of making us add it to our never ending list of things to do.

Oh, and as for the phone conversation I just had with him, this is what I would've liked to have said when I remained silent. "I'm sorry. I was in the shower when Esperansa called (which she didn't even do by the way). I don't have any idea if Mom picked up the phone or let the answering machine get it." (Right around here he said something about me not treating my old friends well. "I'll admit I haven't been doing my best to keep in contact with my friends, old and new, but you must realize what my schedule is like. I have school and homework with piano on wednesdays. I hardly even have time for myself. Am I suppossed to put my needs out of the way just so I can talk to people whom I'm sure are also busy just to make you happy?"

How sinful of me. I was about to put, "Am I suppossed to sacrifice myself for another?" Then I remembered Jesus. How horribly selfish I am. Well, I guess I'd be selfish again in asking for your prayers.


The Lamb

For God so loved the world... He gave His one and only Son so that whoever believes in Him would not perish but have ever lasting life.

{John 3:10}

I am a sinful human. I've lied, cheated, cursed, used the Lord's name in vain, forgotten who I was, lost my Faith, questioned life's purpose, hated, and hurt others. For is it not true that all humans, at least once in their life, fall victim to one of these sins? I do hope I am not alone in this... I believe in Him. He is the one and only God, and there is no other. So, perhaps, even though I've sinned, I will be redeemed by the Lord's grace and love... But I'm scared.

What if I am not pure enough for Heaven? Will I be forsaken? Surely He wouldn't do so, right? For He is a kind and merciful God who'll forgive the sins of those whom believe in Him. I am but I child. I know not of all that I speak, but speak I do. I wish to be heard, even though I am uneducated in ways that I should be. My faith is dull in comparison to most others, and that is why I have this journal.

My cowardice, and forgetfullness, keeps me from going forth an confssing my sins in His house. So, I write my sinful actions, thoughts, questions, and praises here so that He may read and judge accordingly.


The Lamb